Started: June 19, 2003
Inspired by: Walt and Lynn's & Kate's wonderful hospitality

"It is better to give than receive."  True and pretty clichéd.
It is often harder to receive than to give.  Equally true and far less obvious.

I could not hope to take this trip without expecting to be kind and generous to those I meet.  Strangers and oldest friends alike will need to be treated with dignity, respect, and openness.  That was pretty evident to me when I started dreaming about this.  I hope I'm doing well at this so far.  I have made a conscious effort to do little things to make people's days a tiny bit better: opening doors, saying "please" and "thank you", tipping well, and generally being friendly.  The biggest thing I'm trying to do is to smile at people -- it really makes a difference when you encounter someone with a friendly and happy face.  (Now, you should not conclude from all this that I have quit ranting at and about other drivers...the bird still flies.)

What I did not expect to discover is how hard it can be to accept the generosity of others.  My aunt and uncle have never failed to deliver wonderful meals, a great bed, and super company.  Even on outrageously short notice.  Kate opened up her house to me, again on short notice.  She did all sorts of friendly things both small and big: she left coffee for me this morning -- on her good silver tray and with a spoon from the family sterling (dated 1875), she offered the use of her laundry machines and anything else I needed.  It's not easy to accept all of this help.

When someone is generous to me I have a tendency to want to be equally (if not excessively) generous in return.  But right now I can not foresee the day when I could open up a home to the people that have shared theirs with me.  I don't know when I'll be able to cook a meal for those who have feed me.  This is disconcerting.  I can bring flowers, buy dinner, leave a bottle of wine but that feels insufficient.  It also feels like it turns generosity and human decency into a scored game: ok, I stayed 2 nights how much should I pay for dinner?  How do I convey the depth and sincerity of their "Thank You"?  And how do I do so with out being ostentatious or flashy?  How do I make sure people can understand that while we all say "Thank you" often (but not as often as appropriate unfortunately) but sometimes "Thank You" carries a depth of gratitude far more significant than others?

The risk of not appearing thankful enough is frightening.  Failure to communicate the gratitude I feel could alienate friends and leave me with a far more difficult life.  But excessive efforts and fawning is just annoying.

I guess it comes down to this: I'll accept the offers of help and generosity graciously and hope that people understand the sincerity of that, additionally I'll attempt to repay their kindness by continuing to share that kindness with others I encounter.

TO BE CONTINUED....

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Last modification:  04 September 2004 13:26:44 -0700